Leaky Roof

Late Sunday they had to move Tracy from her nice bright room in the CCU to the area where people having day surgery recover. She’s in a different section, but there are no windows and it doesn’t have a good smell. The roof in her room was leaking – apparently bad plumbing.

Her infection seems to have subsided with the antibiotics, and when I was there late yesterday the nurse said “no more fever”.

Mom and Lynn brought the boys in to see her after school. It went well – as well as it can go when you’re a kid visiting your Mom in the hospital with a life-changing prognosis. One by one they went to visit their Mom. First Christian who gave her a big kiss on her forehead and announced “I love you Mom”, then Malcolm who came out saying “well that went better than last time”, followed by little Thomas who brought his Mom his special blanket.

Prior to the boys visit, Tracy was anxious and emotional. The respiratory therapist put her back on full oxygen/vent, and she told me to “stop talking” – as I was trying to offer comforting words of wisdom – saying how resilient kids are, and that her boys are strong just like her… bla bla bla. She clearly did NOT want to hear it. So, I stopped. I guess it was my way to ease my own trepidation about their visit.

After the boys left, I had only planned to stay with Tracy for a little while longer, and told her that she needed to rest. She agreed, but somehow my “little while” turned into several hours. I realized on my way home that her only control right now is to ask the people who visit to do things for her – water, hair brush, rub shoulders, scratch nose or cheek, fluff pillow, bed up, bed down, read, don’t read, …

I read to her from a book written by Chelsea Handler. It’s kind of crude, and very funny. At one point she made me stop because she wanted to laugh and couldn’t breathe!

I was tired. I went back to work yesterday and then went straight to the hospital in the later afternoon. I hadn’t eaten and I just wanted to go home. But each time I’d come close to the end of the chapter she would look at me with a little smile as if to say thank you and please don’t go. So what if I was tired and hungry?…. I thought to myself. …and so I read on…..

KUDOS: To all the freinds who have spend time with Tracy recently! Thank you for all your caring and help.

VISITS: Email Lynn – she is the keeper of the schedule lynn@panger.ca

REMEMBER: To be grateful for each day.

GRATITUDE: to my sister Lynn – she is the leader, the decision maker, the planner and most of all the most loving sister ….! anyone could have! thank you Lynn!!

With gratitude,

Les xo